"Where do you want to go to eat?" "What do you want to eat?" Those two questions likely rank near the top of insurmountable reasons for failed relationships. They are somewhere just below infidelity and financial troubles in the ominous world of evaporating bliss. Often these queries have the ability to reduce usually astute individuals to stuttering fools. When one is alone to make the decision, it is easy to fall into a routine, Mac & Cheese on Monday, my favorite chicken on Tuesday, pork chops made to taste like my favorite chicken on Wednesday, beer on Thursday (tasting slightly like my favorite chicken) and of course some kind of water creature on Friday, 0nce again in the same tantalizing array of taste sensations as my favorite chicken. Variety truly adds spice to life. As for the weekends, blurrrrr………….
However, when one is coupled or in the company of friends, those two questions take on an entirely different meaning. The words though conquerable, open the door for debate, frustration and the destruction of days and relationships. Individuals often find themselves not only balancing delicate relationship issues, but also facing their own gastronomical desires, which require gentle manipulation to satisfy. We have all been there. “Where do you want to eat?” Is often followed by, “Where do you want to eat?” Next the predictable “I don’t care.” Then, a suggestion, “How about Chinese or Mexican?” “Ahh I don’t feel like those.” “Why did you say, I don’t care then?” Which is of course followed by, “We always go where you want to go.” or “Why do we always go to the same places?” Quickly the simple need to fuel oneself, crumbles down to entirely different issues such as, “You never support me” and “I do most of the cleaning.”
How does this happen? Magic. That is the simple one word answer. In reality it is one of the greatest mysteries of the universe. When taste buds, moods, the need for love & validation are all combined they quite often result in a toxic broth that only those with the strongest of stomachs and resolve will be able to survive. You may be thinking that this segments title is Banana Holders, what the hell is Seed talking about the whole eating thing for? Man he must have issues. Hold on, I am getting to the Banana Holders section of the story, I just thought a little commentary on eating would be appropriate since bananas are food and as the main character in the movie Big Fish so aptly stated, “When a man tells a story sometimes he tells it straight thru……..” And oh yeah - the whole story started out when a friend and I were trying to decide where to eat one Saturday afternoon.
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"Seed, White Spot has a 2 burgers for $5.98 deal on, do you want to go grab lunch there?” “Sure Nick that sounds good.” You may be wondering, hey wait a minute, where is all the confusion and arguing. The talking in circles, which quickly deteriorates into some form of argument. Well first off, I learned a long time ago, that it is not worth the frustration to fight over food. And secondly and most importantly he was paying. We added a order of fries and a drink to our order and somehow the $5.98 was now $12.00. Taxes are very confusing.
Next it was off to Canadian Tire to pick up some household supplies and during this endeavor I happened upon a product that for lack of a better term, absolutely baffles me. Are you ready for it? I think you likely know what the product I am talking about may be. You are right Canadian Tire sells a product called - Banana Holder. I found myself strangely drawn to it. I would go to other sections of the store, only to find myself returning to examine this product in greater detail. If when I mentioned the name, you were thinking along the lines of athletic support for men, which by the way, would be an excellent name for a jock strap. You would be wrong. You see some inventive genius one day came up with the idea that bananas need to be hung off of the kitchen counter by some contraption that resembles the game ‘Hang Man’, that we all played to kill time with our friends in elementary school. This said Banana Holder, consists of a wooden base, a banana shaped frame and a hook at the top for hanging the bananas. Apparently it is inappropriate to put bananas on the counter or in the fruit bowl with the other vitamin enriched members of our diet. As I said very baffling.
This arcane and very unique product quickly summonsed a series of questions. 1. Why do bananas get their own special contraption? 2. Who would buy such a contraption? 3. What is the average weight of the human brain? 4. What was the inventor smoking when they came up with the idea? Finally - 5. What about the last banana, why does it have to sit on the counter? I am sure in-depth studies have been done to answer each of these questions. They would have had to have been.
After I was finally able to pry my body and mind from the autopsy like examination I was performing on the Banana Holders, I had rejoined my friend in another aisle of the store. My mind was almost free of my fascination, when a young lady turned the corner and said, “They’re probably off looking at something weird.” And though she was not actually talking to me, but instead the invisible young voices somewhere in an adjacent aisle. I responded with, “You think I’m looking at something weird.” “No” she said “Ryan and Chris are.” I hesitated for a second and then asked “So what weird thing do you think they are looking at?” “Some air pump or something.” was her answer. Which prompted me to say, “You know what I think is weird?” To which I received the inquisitive “What?” Next I delivered straight face and full of seriousness “Banana Holders.” Instantly she flashed back to a day where she had discovered this item and chortled back, “IIIIIII knooooowwwwww.” It was refreshing to know that I was not the only one who was intoxicatingly intrigued.
Wow, I sure managed to stretch out this story about an incredibly strange product. Probably a paragraph or two longer than necessary. Well, I am not quite done yet. I have one more mission for the Banana Holder. The next time one of my friends has a birthday, guess what the gift is going to be? Your dead on, a brand spanking new Mahogany Banana Holder. Just think about how much fun that would be. I can see it now. The look of confusion and despair on the face of the recipient as they try to fake enthusiasm. Followed by me saying in an overly exuberant way “It’s a Banana Holder. Isn’t it cool?" You do eat a lot of bananas don’t you?” I guarantee it will be a gift that is talked about for years to come.
Banana Holders are available at Canadian Tire for $12.99-14.99.
