5 russians clowns & drag queens - letter 5 lucky number 7

letter 4 - I drove a dead man to work today

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Russians, Clowns & Drag Queens. Letter 1: can you warm me up

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Searching for a Literary Agent/Publisher

Dear Literary Agent/Publisher

My name is Lindsay Wincherauk. I am an author and storyteller working on completing three manuscripts chronicling my fascinating, hilarious, and at times, turbulent life.

In the truest sense of the word, I am survivor; over the past sixteen-years the unrelenting traumae sent my way, have not only been overwhelming, they have epitomized surreal as well.

The manuscripts connect the dots of an intriguing life, weaving an intricate tale; winding through my tumultuous past into the present and then the constant struggle to define the direction of the future.

My story is about survival. It is about finding identity. An identity shrouded in family deception. It is about coming to terms with watching my parents die only to have them come back to life eighteen years later, and then figuratively, watching my father die for a second time. It is about adding vibrant colours to the connected dots, revealing a brilliant canvas, and uncovering a compelling story. Most important, it is about sharing, being vulnerable and allowing others in.

Why are these books a good fit for a Literary/Agent/Publisher?

Many reasons spring to mind:

1. The books are a raw, emotional, hilarious, and a voyeuristic ride through an incredible life of a fresh new Canadian author.
   
2. I possess the unique gift of bringing the reader into my story---making them vital characters in the plotline.
   
3. My experiences, though extreme, share common threads with every reader. Whether it be finding first love, learning to drive, delving into the destructiveness of vice, overcoming massive hurdles, or trying to make sense of living while deciphering what's truly important.
   
4. My voice is powerful. I write in a conversational manner, allowing my voice to echo with the consumption of every twist and turn of life.
   
5. If forced to compare myself to other authors, a difficult task---I'd say my writing is a collision between Hunter S. Thompson meets Augusten Burroughs sprinkled with a dash of the Dalai Lama.
   
6. I have several publication credits: 24 Hours Vancouver (commuter newspaper with a circulation of 220,000); a self-published book entitled: Seed's Sketchy Relationship Theories – A Guide to the Perils of Dating (how not to become a bar regular), as well as articles published in various other magazines.
   

I believe I am a gifted individual with a never-ending stream of stories. I look forward to the opportunity to work the right Literary/Agent/Publisher to bring my stories to life.

Regards,

 

Lindsay Wincherauk

Author/Journalist

Postscript: I have designed potential covers for each book!

 

Lindsay Wincherauk

 

Russians, Clowns & Drag Queens

Play

chasing neon

 

 

 

CONTACT INFORMATION:

 

 

How it all began

In 2004, I was randomly selected to pitch a book idea at a Book Expo. I pitched the story of two-month period of my life from 2003. The audience was blown away and left wanting more. One of the publishers asked me to put together a few chapters of the story and submit it. I did. Unfortunately, the traumatic events weren't far enough behind me to tell the story without being overly dramatic. I was told that it wasn't what they were looking for at the time. Discouraged by the response I stopped writing the story; instead, I focused on writing articles for 24 Hours Vancouver
a commuter newspaper with a circulation of 220,000, as well as other writing projects.

One of those projects was entitled: Letters to Ed. I started writing bizarre complaint letters to eight randomly selected men from around North America named, Ed. Over the course of three-weeks, I cranked out three letters, letting my new friend in on mostly humorous stories from my journey through life. The letters were intended to be bizarre and comedic in nature, with little snippets from my past thrown in to add to the comedic value. I imagined Ed opening his mail, and at first, being confused, only to have that confusion turn into hilarious conversations with friends at the pub, club, or golf course---about the bizarre letters.

While penning letter 4: I drove a dead man to work,
a light went on: I realized I've had an amazing life. At times incredibly difficult; nevertheless, full of adventure, laughter, despair and heartache. Most important, I've developed a unique way of sharing my story. Ed represented new friendships. With each letter, depth was added by opening a window into my life.

The beauty of this: as my life unfolds before us, I take my new friend(s) into my past, and in turn, building true friendships. Eventually, Ed becomes everyone!

Lindsay Wincherauk, Author

Vancouver, BC, Canada

Email: theseedvan@hotmail.com

 

Reality is truly stranger than fiction!

1 Page Treatments

Russians, Clowns & Drag Queens

 

letters to ed

 

 

(COMPLETED)

 

In the memoir, Russians, Clowns & Drag Queens, author Lindsay Wincherauk's life is turned upside down with a heartbeat pursuant to a civil servants casual inquiry, "Could you phone your parents and ask them who your real parents are?"

This innocent inquiry opens a window into a surreal Kafkaesque past, a past rife with bizarre characters, spectral entities and devastating family betrayal. Wincherauk, with radiant clarity invites the reader into his life. A life replete with tragedy immersed in hilarity and garnished with the intoxicating destructiveness of vice. Lindsay chronicles his remarkable journey through the window; a journey from darkness to light, a journey most people would find impossible, a journey through the "looking glass."

Wincherauk converts repeated traumae into a compelling search for identity. He layers the perpetually changing hessian of family, life, and dysfunction, utilizing long brush strokes dripping with passion. He bares his soul to great effect by placing his present positive world-view in juxtaposition to his prior emotional neediness.

Lindsay's wit is razor sharp, self deprecating and scandalously non-political correct. His ability to captivate the reader inviting them as intimate participants into an intricate plotline reveals a unique voice remarkably fresh and doubtlessly destined to become a household name.

Wincherauk's memoir transforms episodes of intense despair into segments of tranquility imbued with comedic insight. The pitfalls of dysfunction are eluded as life progresses, creating an intricate weave. Lindsay, a consummate storyteller layers panoramic strands of events into a kaleidoscopic tapestry. Ergo we wind our way through foundation, collapse, escape, rebirth and loose ending leading us to...

 

Play

a sequel

 

(COMPLETED)

In Russians Clowns & Drag Queens, Wincherauk relived his past when the realities of being a secret unwanted child are placed on his doorstep during a time of heartache and misfortune. In a sense, the truth set him free; destiny took him down a path where survival, destruction, and the search for identity became strange bedfellows, in a story told in real-time. The past was being unmasked employing stream of consciousness storytelling, making every reader a character in the plot.

Play picks up where Russians left off---Lindsay's, again-living mother abandons him for a second time---and he fatefully meets his real father, eighteen-years after he had watched his father die.

Unlike Russians, Clowns & Drag Queens in which the past was catching up with the present, in Play, the present is prevalent with the occasional glimpse backward in an attempt to find meaning in what has transpired.

Play, continues to unravel the mysteries hidden in family deception, with reality becoming a tragedy---necessary to overcome.

Colourful and tragic new characters are introduced and issues of sexuality are examined in the Chapters: Gay Bar, and Gay Bar: Episode 1: Bert Apocalypse Now.

Gay Bar resembles Cheers with a lilt---attitude---swagger---and a double snap!

A place where everybody most people won't hesitate putting a dagger in your back.

It's raining out and time to come in from the relentless mist: neon invites, seduces, and draws one in. On the edge of a bustling Gay Village, sits a non-descript bar. A bar full of energy and deception; its façade is inviting but underneath the warmth lays a multitude of characters; colourful, devious, kind-hearted, hateful, deep, shallow, lost, and mostly, draped in a façade themselves. Characters on the edge of reality, a reality skewed by alcohol and lifted by the illicit, including an ingredient list, mostly, sugar free.

The Chapter: William Richard Dowrey---Ritchie Rich explores and examines the consequences of senseless violence in an urban landscape. It ties numerous lives together after Ritchie, a father of two, becomes a victim of an alleged gay bashing in Vancouver's West End.

As Play winds down, after blasting through: go; next game; new plane; twist; integrity; and free play---evolving is amped up to a lightning pace; making sense of the nonsensical is dropped onto life's docket, highlighting the necessity of embracing life, finding balance, and accepting who you are.

And as we continue to live in the moment, we accelerate forth into...

 

chasing
neon

a sidequel

 

(IN PROGRESS)

Chasing Neon, volume three of the series, continues the journey. It is about searching for the future while coming to terms with life---best lived, moment-by-moment; five-year plans often don't come to fruition. We must be able to adjust course in a flash, when both good and bad, are thrust our way.

I've had a crush, can someone entering year 49 still have crushes.

Anyway, I have one, on a beautiful, in my eyes, individual, who works out at my gym. We've said hello on a couple of occasions---I'm not certain the crush is reciprocal, or safe.

Two beers into MY day, what the hell, safe or not, it's time to explore, to crack open the door. I stopped by the gym, Dave, a trainer, and a friend, needed to know it was my birthday so he could wish me a happy one.

After Dave, I headed downstairs for a sip of water, to my surprise, the apple, too corny... my interest; was there, "Hello, my name is Lindsay. I've wanted to introduce myself for quite some time now."

Our hands touched. Embarrassingly, I became hard. I had to sit down.

"My name is..."

"You have a beautiful smile" ---still sitting--- "I'd like to do something with you sometime?"

Days later: "Fiona, I got a woody when I said hello, what is that called? A priapism."

Wayne suggested, "Its called puberty."

After leaving the gym, it was off to see Danielle---and her two children. Danielle and I have a history, flashing back to Russians, Clowns and Drag Queens---we both dated her boyfriend Kevin at the same time---no priapisms for him.

Two hours of effortless flow---we don't want anything from each other---my day is looking forward. I've always wondered if Danielle and I...

Chasing Neon is about finding peace. It is about extending ones' arms spinning in circles and accepting who we are; then nurturing all who are important in our lives and dropping anger/hatred to replace them with kindness/love---it is about communication and connectivity and sharing the sentiment with whomever crosses our paths. Because if we speak to one another, judgement free, we'll come to the realization there is really no reason to hate.

The aftermath of: fuse; splice; amperage; chase; shine; and glow, bring to the forefront that chasing what may never be, at the expense of the brilliance of now... leading us to..?

Book Covers

Ritchie's recovery

Pigeons Aren't My Friends

PIGEONS AREN'T MY FRIENDS

(a song)

Pigeon's aren't my friends

I don't like Pigeons

You are not a Pigeon

So you can be my friend

If you were a Pigeon

I'd have to bite your head off and kill you

Because you'd desrve to be headless and dead

But since you're not a Pigeon

You can keep your head

Pigeons aren't my friends

I don't like Pigeons

You are not a Pigeon

So you can keep your head.

Two

One

Colour Blind

Colour Blind

I am lucky, I no longer see race; I've become colour blind.

Some believe no human is without prejudice; for most, probably --- but there are far more than can be imagined who haven't bought into hate or intolerance.

Part of the problem in today's world those with the least tolerance and fuelled with the most hate, whine the loudest; why, because they live in fear and screaming out at others is all they know.

For me, I'm lucky, I'm Caucasian; however, my heritage is questionable, because of a betrayal by my own family.

I'm lucky, because I've travelled much and partly due to naivety, I never allowed negative voices to affect me, even when intolerance was being directed my way. I concluded; if you don't know me, and you judge me, it's your problem, not mine.

I'm lucky, because my friends are just that, friends, regardless of race, religious proclivity, culture or any other affiliations they may have. I think it is important to treat all with kindness, a smile and a hello, if it is not returned --- don't take it personally.

I don't belong to any group or do I have any affiliation; I try to think for myself, which makes me immune to all those who try to convince me of stereotypes, when I know better. Each individual, regardless of heritage, is capable of warmth and kindness if they are treated with respect and are not bombarded by the hatred of the intolerant.

Most important, even if most think it is naïve; liberal, or whatever else, I'm lucky because I don't blame others for the things taking place in my life. It is amazing the brilliant things you experience when you accept others for who they are.

There are no giant conspiracies between the men/women of this planet, most are just trying to get by and be happy --- the true roots of evil are fuelled by GREED and the separation of class.

It is time for us all to wake up and realize this, it will make the world a richer place in spirit. It will give us all a fighting chance. If we don't clue in soon, well…

Unfortunately, many people can't see past the reflection in their own mirror and continue to blame anyone who doesn't look like them, for all the problems in their life and the world --- which is just plain sad.

We all need to pay attention, HUGE CORPORATIONS are being bailed-out while at the same time the rest of us regardless of race, culture or anything else, are still bickering amongst one another --- are we collectively too stunned to realize, this isn't the way it is supposed to be.

Lindsay Wincherauk is a Vancouver based author check out his website at www.seedenterprises.com

Dear Santa

Dear Santa

Hello Jolly Bearded One!

Before I jump into my list of wants for Christmas, how the heck, are you, and Mrs. Claus?

Apparently, this whole climate thing, is kind of messing with your homeland, and putting some of your beautiful neighbours in peril, you know, the polar bears. It's amazing how many people are still fiercely debating what's transpiring, so, I guess as for wants go, could you find a way to sway the bickering, let those engaged in it, conclude; making changes for the betterment of the world, regardless of whether we've changed the weather, or not, is the right thing to do.

Thanks in advance...

As for me, I'm not quite ready to put in my request, I'm pretty-sure I've been a good boy man this year, in fact, I make a conscious effort to be one. It actually, comes easy, I'm not boasting, instead, I'm just happy with who I've become. Every now and then, I mess up, say something I don't really mean, or don't get back to someone quick enough; flaws... nah, life just seems to be cranking at a high rate of speed and periodically, we are caught in the revolutions. When I do, I try my best to make amends, without being too hard on myself.

Let's get back to me, actually, what I want is not about me at all, I don't really need much; the occasional hug, kiss, some love, and the odd intimate moment, that's about it. I have no need to go into details.

So, I guess what I'd like under my tree... Christmas cushion, I used to have an inflatable tree; however, my pet poked a hole in it, and that coupled with a huge dose of family dysfunction, I've never replaced it and have downsized to the cushion, it's not much, but the spirit of the season isn't lost in its fabric.

Okay, I'll stop rambling, and you won't need to come to my building, buzz my code, go to the elevator, knock on my door, eat a cookie or two, drink some milk, and place my request under...

...my request, of changing the direction of our world --- Santa, maybe you are isolated up at your melting pole, our world, well, it may have always been this way but it seems to be worsening. Instead of looking in the mirror, we seem to be full of hate, lack compassion, rage is replacing kindness, racist's announce their intent and then pretend that political correctness has made them the way they are, claiming if they could be hateful more out in the open, it would be a better way. How can we collectively be skewing the difference between right and wrong?

Globally, we've entered a very trying time, a time where a drastic paradigm shift might be in order. Our world leaders, the banks, warlords, and the messengers delivering the messages, may not have our best interests at heart; therefore, what I'd like from you, and I know this is a tall order; to help shift some views, even if it is one person at a time --- that way we can slowly make the world a kinder place. It's time that we evolve, it is imperative for our future.

As I go through my journey, hatred has been dropped from the equation --- it's not worth the effort. Greedy, I used to be, but not anymore, I don't need a lot of new; yet when it comes to style, I don't think I'm lacking. I fully expect insults for sharing these traits with others, that's okay, I'm not better than anyone; I'm just sharing.

Please help get out the word, we are all connected in some way; we don't have a choice in where we are born, the colour of our skin, religious proclivities, our sexual inclination, our height, physical beauty, birthright, or any other aspect of self, except for sculpting the essence from within our hearts, and that's it!

We don't have the right to judge others with the exception of what is done in our presence. Any other way, is for the most part, sickening, and sad, isn't it?

In the spirit of sharing more, for just over three months this year, an exchange student, from Korea, shared my home. We became great friends, and we've decided to stay in touch. My friend is now back in Seoul, studying in a world where direction is being subtracted from the youth of today at an alarming rate as the generations before; frankly, have fucked up the world. Mostly with greed, but sharing the stage, racism, hatred, intolerance and the constant bombardment by all of those who are filled with those diseases, trying to ram them down the throats of those encouraging a better way; in some archaic need to justify their hate. Again, it is time for us all to evolve and replace the hatred with love. Many won't... it's easier to stay stuck.

Well, back to my friend, and why I don't really need gifts, recently my friend sent me a message; he's sponsored an immigrant family in his home city of Seoul (from China), and several times a week he gets together with them and helps them gain a sense of belonging, he helps them to fit in, to feel safe. He also helps the children with their studies. He does this out of the kindness in his heart. In his message he carried it a step further, "I now know why you were so kind to me when I was in Vancouver, it's hard trying to find a place in a new world, especially when so many hate you for no reason, like Vancouver, many in my country are intolerant as well, it's wrong... it's time for us to change ways. That is what I took from you."

How could I need anything more than that for Christmas?

Just so you know, I didn't do anything other than be me.

So Santa... please continue to spread love, joy, hope, kindness and harmony this holiday season, help us put everything else to the side, one person at a time if necessary.

Merry Christmas/Seasons Greetings/Happy Holidays

The words in the greeting aren't important; what matters is the sincerity of the delivery.

P.S. Can you please get the media to stop spreading the fear of the capitalistic worlds unchecked economic meltdown, fuelled by unchecked greed, and further fuelled by evil, questionably, rising to the top.

I think what we are being sold right now is why it is vitally important for the rest of us to stop fighting amongst each other and for us all to work together to find a better way; 'cause, what we were sold, obviously hasn't worked.

Oh yeah, my father came back to life a few years ago, and he turned out not to be my father; could you tell me who my real father is --- a long story, maybe for some other time.

economic salvation

economic salvation

Stop listening/watching/reading!

Could doing so stave off the constant bombardment of the economic meltdown?

You'd think the pace of living, our fascination with celebrities, athletes, Facebook, being connected at all times, and as seen recently, an ad for a digital service, "Fast forward live television; that way you can watch more TV faster." We need more television faster.

Suddenly, a light went on; a possible solution to surviving our economic meltdown; I was hoping the global populations collective ADD would suffice, and we'd have moved on to the next crisis; unfortunately, we all seem to be paying attention, a crippling amount of attention, as jobs are lost, savings vanish and giant corporations are being bailed out(?) --- With a quick glance, it seems, the corporate heads may be stuffing their own pockets with the drippings from the olive branches. While, us who are affected most, fight amongst one another about the information we are being force-fed, as we try to make sense of our futures.

Then, a second light came on; maybe we're supposed to be distracted, be in the dark. We all seem to be waiting to be saved; for some "expert" to shine a light out of the tunnel and lead us to... what's that, the bulb just burnt out?

I think we may need some new experts, after all the "old" ones seem to have gotten the "whole globe" into some quicksand and depending where you look/listen --- there may be no way out. Hell, walking down Wall/Bay Streets may soon require wearing a hardhat, as "experts" hurl themselves onto the broke crowds down below.

After I changed the bulb, I came up with a radical solution to curb, or maybe at least slow the melting; as said above, stop listening, stop watching; stop being sold. Simplify things, could there be a better time; the holidays are for family and friends, a brilliant starting point. Love replaces consumption, even if it is dysfunctional and only for a fleeting moment.

The suggestion: extend the fleeting moments!

Wouldn't it be dazzling if for one week in January, for all of us to stock up on food, take off work, fire up the DVD collection, pull out of the rat race, and not listen to the sales pitch, no radio, no television, no newspapers, no trips to the mall, and then make a pact/resolution, to place friends/family, ahead of stuff, in 2009.

Just imagine, if everyone stopped listening to what we are now being sold (economy in crisis), wouldn't the messenger need to find something different to talk about?

Don't mistake this suggestion for denial; I just think it may be time to change directions, collectively.

Dare to dream!

Lindsay is a Vancouver based author. For information visit www.seedenterprises.com

me be smart?

...me used to be smarter... it used to be 138 --- 5 years ago!