Seedism and a Seed Image

-----

“you can’t become who you are meant to be

until you accept who you're not.”

-the seed

The Creation of A Book

At this stage of my journey through life I have come to a place where I have started to really observe how people are treating one another. And I am not sure if I like what I see. I think we all need to initiate change.

Several years ago I was in a very good place in life. I had a loving relationship and great friends. Basically life was grand. At that time I was working in the bar industry and in my free time I would make some general comments on the dating world. These comments turned into Relationship Theories. One of my dear friends suggested that I should start recording these theories. I did. In a short time I had created about 40 pages with the said theories being somewhat controversial, always edgy, with a touch of twisted humor thrown in for flavor. However, since I was content with life the drive to complete more was missing.

-------

--------

Next - I made what one might call a monumental mistake. I commented to another friend that I had never been so incredibly ‘happy’. Despite some of life’s challenges the future never looked brighter. If I could go back in time I would have certainly retracted that statement, or at least broke a finger or sprained an ankle on the way home that night. I think it may be imperative to at least have a touch of turmoil in life. Turmoil has a way to ground us. Make us appreciate the journey more. The reason why this was such a significant mistake was within days a series of events started to unravel that I would not want anyone to ever have to experience.

In the short form version, in less than 2 months, starting almost immediately, my relationship ground to a halt. No warning signs. No confrontations. In an instant it ended like a confusing unexplainable bad dream. Before I could even grasp what had happened in my own world, I ran into a young friend at Choices Market on a sunny Friday afternoon. He expressed to me how much his life sucked. I hugged him. He went home and took his own life.

His last words to me were, “My Life Sucks.”

Less than a week had passed when another friend, 28 years old took me aside to tell me he was dying of cancer. I was struggling with my own heartbreak and yet for some reason was still having to dig deep and remain compassionate.

Four more days passed. My phone rang. I had become afraid of the phone during this time, it was not a purveyor of good news. On this particular day the voice on the other end was my closest relative an aunt. I am the youngest of seven, with three older brothers and sisters. Unfortunately, some 17 odd years ago I had actually witnessed, one year apart, both of my parents taking their last breathes of life. I was the only one of the siblings present to experience these traumatic events. I couldn’t understand why the youngest had to experience this trauma alone. I just new it was for some reason my responsibility.

Now on this particular day my aunt had called to tell me she was changing her will. She was cutting my evil sisters out. I was not enjoying this conversation. I was struggling in my own world, the happiness of the past was quickly changing into the despair of the present. Next she told me the real reason for the call. She told me she was dying. I could barely handle the news. What was happening to my world. I was witnessing death after death, yet at the same time I was being asked to be compassionate. I wanted to become self-absorbed, unfortunately it was not being allowed.

-----

-----

My aunt had accepted her mortality. She was at ease with it. The problem for me was, I wasn’t. She quickly deteriorated. My family started to alienate me because I would not drop everything and leave Vancouver to watch my aunt die in Edmonton. At the same time some of my supposed friends turned their backs on me as well.

They said that, “I had seemed to have changed.”

Needless to say friendships came to an end.

Within a month she passed away. Three days after her funeral one of my evil sisters called. I was prepared for the guilt. Instead she informed me that my last remaining uncle died unexpectedly in his sleep the night before.

At that exact moment, I realized I was in trouble. I was devoid of emotion. Unless numbness is considered an emotion. By this time I had cried on 67 consecutive days. I was never entirely certain which event prompted the waterfalls. I guess I didn’t need to associate them with any one in particular. They were a cumulative creation.

At this point of time I had lost my ‘happy’ and I wasn’t sure if it would ever be found again.

I decided I needed to leave my environment. Europe seemed to be the answer. I had never been, nor did I ever have the desire to go. For some reason these events sparked something in me, Europe now seemed to make perfect sense.

A great friend asked if he could come with me. He was wise enough to ask. I think he wanted to chaperone me on my journey to make sure I was Ok. The only thing holding me back was the need to renew my passport. I put a rush order in. I needed however, to first get a new birth certificate. I was informed the process would only take a couple of days to complete.

Two weeks later and still no birth certificate. My friend had quit his job so he was becoming anxious. I phoned the vital statistics department in Alberta to inquire about the delay. I was told they couldn’t issue me a new birth certificate because some of the information I gave them did not match their records. I asked them what they needed. To which the civil servant matter-of-factly replied:

“Could you phone your parents and ask them:

Who your real parents are?”

I ended up going to Europe. It may have saved my life.

I found out the identity of my real parents. Not great news, quite disturbing actually.

During my journey I really took notice of what is going on in our world. It is not necessarily good. Somehow I managed to take my observations and I wrote 340 more pages on my theories. I think we need to encourage positive change now more than ever before. In fact I think it is our responsibility. Amazingly I managed to write a book that is not only controversial, challenging the state of relationships and the world today, but also, despite the traumatic events I had experienced, the book has a very strong positive message. It is also filled with twisted humor. The book is called Seed’s Sketchy Relationship Theories - A Guide to the Perils of Dating (How not to become a bar regular). To me it represents my greatest accomplishment. It also represents that if you dig deep inside and try to look at things in a positive light regardless of circumstance, we are all capable of great things.

Finally the moral of this story is: If you ever find yourself in a place where you are the happiest you have ever been.

Sprain something.

That in a nutshell is how this book came to be.

-----------

These events lead me and my great friend known as Euro Seed to complete and release Seed's Sketchy Relationship Theories - A Guide to the Perils of Dating (How not to become a bar regular).

Seed's Sketchy Relationship Theories is available at www.seedenterprises.com where you can follow your links to your favorite bookseller.

Rerun

"Ouch! Damn it!" Sorry about the potty mouth folks, it kind of just slipped out. You see I have painfully had to take some mind numbing employment to keep the Seed Enterprise Marketing Juggernaut moving forward. If you happened to read the story from a previous week titled “Reality Cheque”, you would understand my anguish. Actually in reality it is not all bad, it means instead of focusing 14 hours per day on Seed Enterprises, I now focus 8 or 9 hours on it. The problem is I also spend 6 or 7 hours on the mind numbing, stomach wrenching, gap bridging employment mentioned above. Luckily for me I am not working with 24 hour days, I made a special request to the man/woman in charge, the Grand Poobaa and I was graciously given an extension. My days are now 30 hours. Lucky for me because I use 4 of the extra 6 hours for sleep. I heard a rumor that sleep may actually be important.

I will keep my postprandial ramblings to a minimum. The whole point of the above paragraph is to illustrate that The Seed here, at the offices of Seed Enterprises, will do whatever it takes to make our venture an even greater success than it already is. Thus far we have received 26 reviews on our book with 23 of them being 5 Stars, 2 - 4 Stars, 1 - 2 Stars and we even received our first hate mail. To check out the featured review and the ‘tag lines’ of all of the reviews you may go to http://vancouver.dose.ca/webx?14@@.ee99c43 or to our website at www.seedenterprises.com . We do truly appreciate your support. If you haven’t already we would love it if you were to pick up a copy of our book, we are sure you will be entertained.

If you happened to drop in because you were looking forward to another captivating Thursday story from the Seed point of view, I must apologize, due to the above mentioned numbing of the mind, with the exception of the last 2 ½ paragraphs this week we are running a rerun of a previous Thursday story. We are still offering up some fresh stuff, some interactive fun for you to enjoy. You know the stuff that your friends send to you in mass emails without taking the time to personalize the message. I know you do. For your required entertainment enjoyment we suggest visiting the following:

http://www.worldjumpday.org/

(our opportunity to change the course of history)

http://www.talklikeapirate.com/piratehome.html

(who doesn’t want to talk like a pirate?)

http://n.ethz.ch/student/mkos/pinguin.swf

(a simple game)

Without any further hesitation, we suggest that you sit back and relax and enjoy the rerun. We have simplified it for you all you have to do is click on the link below and you will be whisked away to a land of enchantment. Maybe not enchantment, ignore the enchantment reference and just enjoy. Today’s rerun is titled: Banana Holders

http://seedenterprises.blogspot.com/2005/03/banana-holders.html

Of course we are unlike the media giants that control the information we are fed regularly, to differentiate ourselves we have decided to offer you up as part of our ongoing desire to entertain, Another Seed Original Image.

-----

----

“The man who follows the crowd will usually get no further than the crowd.
The man who walks alone is likely to find himself in places no one has ever been.
Creativity in living is not without its attendant difficulties
And the unfortunate thing about being ahead of your time is
That when people realize you were right, they’ll say it was obvious all along.”

-Author Unknown

Thanks for dropping by. We promise to serve up something fresh next week, maybe something relating to the rising fuel prices.

------

Note: Seed Enterprises is always interested in innovative marketing suggestions. If you have any insight you would like to share with us feel free to send us an email. Also, if you or anyone you know may be interested in investing in a dynamic exciting company, once again, send us an email and we get back to you to dicuss the possibilities.

Seed's Life 36-40

Wow! Tuesday is here again, this marks the 8th installment of Seed exposing himself for all to see. As always we hope you are enjoying your look into Seed’s Life and the whole Seed Enterprise Blogging Experience. We invite you to encourage your friends to drop in as well. If you desire feel free to send us a message. We would love to hear from you. Anyways, it is now time for another installment of:

Seed’s Life

(Points 36-40)

-----

----------

----------
young seed
----------

1. I liked it. (see point 35)
2. Sometimes I felt dirty afterwards. I still liked it though.
3. I have deep brown eyes. Even my blind one.
4. I have only talked to my father once. Very surreal. He sounds like he has had a challenging life. Maybe someday I will meet him.
5. Finding out you were created on a drunken night is not pleasant news. Maybe not to uncommon, but still not pleasant.

Check back in a week for points 41-45. By the way I highly recommend this exercise to each and every one of you, it may help you to unlock the doors to the future. See you again soon!!!

Check the archives for all previous posts.
-----
Please be delicate in the use of this information.

A Seedism & Seed Visual

-----
“Reality is not what you are told.

---
It is what you choose to believe.”

-the seed.
-----

Zero Calories

Diatribe in progress. Will be finished soon. It promises to be exhilarating. In the meantime here is another tentative working title of one of our soon to be released books, “Put Down The Fork.” For more information on this and other books that are in the Seed Enterprises Book Hopper, just click on the link below the books cover. If you find that you are not actually reading this tasty juicy piece of Spam, then we think you may be some sort of 'Twisted Freak***. How can you possibly be reading something that is not actually here? Stop it! You are scaring us. May we suggest that you only read the material presented to you, as it is presented.

“Seed can you please cut our Blog readers some slack. They have taken the time to turn on their computers, made the effort to go to the Seed Enterprise website and have chosen, that’s right, chosen, to seek some of their daily dosage of entertainment from our written words. They don’t deserve to be called ‘Twisted Freaks’.” Friends, once again my dear friend, Voices In My Head, has informed me that berating the audience is not the best of marketing ploys. This one time I am going to listen to VIMH, and apologize for my insensitive ramblings above. Nevertheless, I have decided to leave the above opening in as part of this story, therefore, you did read it and we will never know for sure if any of you are actually ‘Twisted Freaks’ or not. Unless of course you are the type of ‘Freak’ that starts your reading with the 2nd paragraph. If that is the case there likely is no hope for you.

-----

-----
We invite you to visit The Seed Enterprise Book Mobile at:

http://www.seedenterprises.com/Subseiten/Bookmobile/Bookmobileintro.html

Whew!!!! My pen finger is a little tired now. Regardless of my finger exhaustion, I am going to fight threw the pain and deliver the promised piece of script titled Zero Calories. I hope some of you are still with me. If you are, I will try to keep it enthralling, leaving you gasping for…… You decide what you want to gasp for, I don’t think anyone else has the right to make anyone else’s gasping decisions for them. Gasping has always been and should remain a personal decision. If you so choose to gasp for more words from Seed, check back tomorrow, I think a new Question and Answer in the Ask Seed World will be posted. Don’t worry it will not be anything like today’s story, since it was written quite some time ago during a more lucid interval. I think today the gerbils that are exercising on the wheel in my brain, may be a little loopy. Thus explaining the last 3 paragraphs.

Finally we have now arrived at Zero Calories. You may think that I spend endless hours trying to come up with story ideas to write about. You may also think the endless hour total is increased dramatically by the research I do on each topic. Well my friends, in reality, everything that I write about represents things that I come across in my day-to-day journeys that either piss me off, elicit a need to make some form of positive change, crack me up, or strike me as just plain odd. As for endless hours. There is no such thing. The Grim Reaper sees to that.

A couple of weeks ago I was out with friends when we witnessed some television Spam, dressed all sexy, revealing, tantalizing and hot suggesting a new product for our consumption. This product was some refreshing beverages (basically water), that was injected with a hint of fruit flavors, in attempt to enhance the consumption pleasure. Some marketing executives felt that if they concentrated on the sapid and odorous elements of the fruit flavors, they would be able to encourage the buying public to part with a couple of dollars, in-turn the consumers would enjoy ingesting the required 8 glasses per day (8 x $2 = $16).

I am not sure why, but I was intrigued by this ad and started thinking; “Wow if I drink fruit flavored water, not only will I be satiated, but my body will become ripped and my wardrobe will improve dramatically. Not to mention I will likely be instantly transported to carefree Happy Land, much like the people in the commercial.” It’s funny, I’ve seen my share of Beer Spam, those people are pretty damn sexy too and they look like they are having a blast. Who am I supposed to believe? Beer - fruit flavored water - beer - fruit flavored water - beer - beer - gin - scotch - beer.

-----

-----

Picture is a gift from a 4 year old artist named Christian.

-----

Then it hit me. A solution to the ever expanding problem of obesity. It is so simple. I am not sure why no one has come up with this program before. We may have finally stumbled across a way to lessen the gap between the girth expanding, BMI increasing, consumption driven North Americans (China soon to follow) and the Svelte Pilates obsessed, fruit flavored water drinking Armada. THE PRICE OF FOOD SHOULD BE IN DIRECT CORRELATION TO THE NUMBER OF CALORIES. Sounds crazy doesn’t it? Just think about it for a minute, if this was the formula. Only the rich would be fat. I see the equation working sort of like this. Water = Zero Calories, therefore, water should cost $0. Whopper with Cheese Meal, roughly 1100 calories, I don’t know, for example sake, lets say, restaurants are allowed to charge 2 cents per calorie. That would make the Whopper Meal $22.00. A salad on the other hand would be in the neighborhood of $2. Of course more research would have to be done to set the prices.

Obesity amongst the poorest members of society would quickly be alleviated. The poor and homeless would be more prone to eat vegetables and drink water instead of scraping together the pittance they can gather and rushing to the local fast food joint for their sodium enriched fast food fixes. Because that is what it really is, just like drugs, a fix. I am healthy, yet I to crave the sodium and sugar that these major conglomerates hooked me up with when I was a kid. “Damn you for putting sugar on your tasty fries.”

Do you still think I am crazy? Radical I know. But if you really think about it, in a way it makes perfect sense.

*** I consider ‘Twisted Freak’ to be a term of endearment.

This story may be flavor enhanced by Euro Seed. Check back periodically.

Seed's Life 31-35

Another April Fools day has come and gone and I have maintained my level of foolery at reasonable level. That is not to say that at times in the life of Seed, he has not accomplished some incredible endeavors of foolishness, however, as I slowly mature, I have successfully turned the idiocy meter down a bit. Just a bit though, I never want to fully mature, that would just be boring. Perhaps you will be able to discover some of my foolish achievements in the continuing feature:

Seed’s Life.

(Points 31-35)

----------

----------

1. Marriage is a failing institution. I am not entirely sure why gay culture is fighting so hard for the right to marry. Does Gay Culture think it will be any different for them? Personally, I don’t want to be treated like everyone else.
2. I think if you are a true fan of sports, you would prefer to participate instead of watch. Admission to sports should be free. After-all the corporations have captive audiences to sell their wares to.
3. My IQ is quite high. I don’t know if that translates to intelligence.
4. Tequila bad. Very, very bad. On one of my birthdays, I went golfing in 35 degree heat (95 Fahrenheit), I drank a lot of beer. Met some friends at a restaurant after the golf. In a matter of 20 or 30 minutes my friend Carol made me consume 6 or 7 tequila shots. Apparently the next thing for me was, spending some time going off like old faithful. The poor kids at the next table. The next morning I woke up clean and refreshed. I found out later my good friends put me in the back of a pick-up truck and took me home. One of my dear friends even put me in the shower and cleansed me. That is a good friend. Maybe he knows if my penis is bigger than average.
5. I have made love to over ____ women.

Check back in a week for points 36-40. By the way I highly recommend this exercise to each and every one of you, it may help you to unlock the doors to the future. See you again soon!!!

Check the archives for all previous posts.
-----
Please be delicate in the use of this information.

Happy Johnny/Volume 1

Introducing

----

Happy Johnny

A new character has been born. His name is Happy Johnny. On the first Monday of each month the Seed Enterprise collective will be bringing you updates on the evolution of Happy Johnny (that is if we happen to remember). Happy Johnny Hats - Shirts - Greetings Cards - Mouse Pads along with various other fine original Happy Johnny products can be found throughout our Web Boutique. These quality fashion statements are just a click away at http://www.cafepress.com/seedsboutique/447988 . We are sure you will enjoy.

-------

Volume 1

happy johnny was born on October 22, 2004 in Denver General Hospital in Denver, Colorado. There are conflicting reports that Happy Johnny actually assisted during his own birth. Rumor has it that he actually had to cut the umbilical chord after the attending doctor collapsed from a major heart attack. At this point in time, the attention of the nurses in the delivery room quickly switched from Johnny's birth to trying to resuscitate Dr. Brannigan. Johnny’s father Geraldo would have assisted, but he suffered from a weak constitution and had also collapsed just a few moments earlier. This left poor little Johnny as the only one available and somehow with a quirky little smile and a wink he managed to free himself and enter the world. It was obvious that right from the start Johnny was a gifted child … .

-------

-to be continued-